Behind Smiles and Eyes
by WindowChild
Summary: Grover and Percy, from the beginning to the end. GroverPercy, one-sided.


A/N: This pairing was requested by Jordan; I hope you like it! Oh also, this takes place prebook, when Grover and Percy are roommates at boarding school.

I really wasn't supposed to feel this way. I'm a Satyr, for crying out loud! I'm a searcher, and I'm supposed put my job first. Right? I was supposed to bring Percy Jackson back, and not think twice about it. Well, easier said than done.

"Hey…Grover?"

"Mmm?"

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?" He was sprawled across his bed, eyes on the ceiling. He looked distracted. "I was just… wondering. Cause some of the guys were talking about it today, and I" he laughed, "I don't know, I guess I just felt left out."

"Oh." I wasn't sure what to say to him. "Uh, no, I've never had a girlfriend."

"Me neither," Percy said. He sighed, still staring at the ceiling. "I think it'd be fun, though."

"Yeah?"

He nodded. "Just from the way everyone talks about it." He shrugged. "My mom used to date a ton of guys; I wonder why I'm not like that."

"That's probably why," I said. "You've seen how bad dating can be, and you don't want to do that to yourself." I quickly realized that it sounded like I was insulting his mother, and tried to backtrack.

Being Percy though, he didn't notice. "Yeah… yeah, that makes sense. Thanks Grover." He smiled at me, and I turned away.

Gods, sometimes I wasn't sure what was happening to me. I hadn't had many crushes before. It's sort of hard when you're a Satyr, because there aren't many options. I'd forbidden myself from liking demigods – it would be far too tricky. And fine, I slipped up sometimes, but even then it was always girls. Usually I fell for the black-haired daughters of Aphrodite; something about the way they looked got me flustered.

Percy was like them, I realized. He had the same dark features; you know, they were the type that caught your eye, but didn't leave the impression of anything vulgar.

I'm not sure why that's how I thought of it, but that was it. It was such a vague concept at the time, and it took on these shadowy images as a sort of identity. No one will ever know it, but I was really messed up for those months. I wasn't sure what I was thinking.

Percy was certainly not a girl, and yet, I felt something there. When he smiled, I had to look away; when he spoke to me, I would have given anything not to sound like an idiot in response. It was endless and painful, but most of the time I was just glad to be around him.

If there's anything good to come from it, it could be my awareness level. I started being more conscious of my every mood, and I know that that helped me with Juniper, later. Gods, Juniper. She's so sweet; I hate that I have so many secrets from her.

But Percy and I made an interesting team. Then _and_ now. Even if you take away my emotions, and keep it platonic, we were pretty cool together. See, I didn't feel nervous around him much. I mean, I felt nervous around my romantic fantasy of him, but not around _him_. His obliviousness was cute, and it managed to both calm me down and work my adrenaline.

I felt like I was more his equal, which was rare for me, but I also got really happy. He was definitely a guy, but he was not beyond perfection. He was not yet his father's son, not yet godliness descended. He was reachable, and that egged me on like you can't imagine.

"Grover?"

Years later, as he's reminiscing. I'm with Juniper, he's with Annabeth. I still feel… whatever, but now it's clear that no one's going to find out. Maybe I'm underestimated in terms of my discretion.

"Grover?" he asks, a second time.

"Yeah?"

"Remember when we were roommates?"

I must look like a freak, with this smile always glued onto my mouth. What else is there to do, though? "Oh, yeah…" I cough up a laugh. "That was fun."

"Yeah," Percy said. "You were a great friend. I mean, you still are. You always have been. But you were really nice to me."

"No problem…" How could I not be nice to him? The idea pains me, just a little bit. He's so unattainable, with his gaze wondering in the direction of Annabeth, on the bench. They really love each other, and I can't explain how much it hurts sometimes.

He nods. "Yeah, but I should thank you more. You're awesome Grover."

"Thanks, Percy," I say. His name's fun to say. Two syllables, and it slides off the tongue. When I first met him, and nothing was clear yet, I would practice saying his name. "You're a great friend too."

"Thanks." He grins, and I really can't look at it. Especially because then Annabeth comes over. Ever since they started dating, she's been all smiles too. I hate that I'm not totally happy for them; I hate that I don't love them together.

And what have I got to be proud of? Sure, Percy's my best friend, but it's not like I talk to him much anymore. We're always hanging out in a group, and he and I barely speak to each other. I almost feel like I'm being shafted, and it brings an odd ache. Because really, I'm not closer to Percy than anybody else. Sure, we have an empathy link. But that's nothing. Truthfully, I'm nothing. I'm a sidekick; I'm the tag-a-long that everyone forgets.

We're friends, and we'll never be more. I accepted it a long time ago, and it's as 'fine' as it'll ever be, but sometimes I worry that we're losing our friendship too.

A/N: Hope you guys liked it! Please review!


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